What happened when you saw Tony Robbins in person?

“You had a f*cking experience of a lifetime!”, as most participants would say in a characteristic Tony way.

Personal development has always been a great passion for me. And if it is for you too, you may have heard of Tony Robbins- one of the most influential figures in this field who has dedicated his life to empowering millions of people over the past 30 years. If you are a follower of TED, you probably have watched his talk too.

Last week, I had the opportunity to participate in his annual 4-day immersion experience Unleash the Power Within (UPW), which took place in Sydney this year. It was really an immersion experience, for describing it as a seminar or conference would fail to convey the intensity, the range of emotions and the impacts that everyone underwent. 4 days were scheduled to be packed of activities from 8 a.m till 12 a.m with sleep deprived and dinners consumed on the spot, and yet time flew by fast while everyone grew more and more engaged and enthused from the beginning till the very end.

The moment Tony appeared on stage, the whole stadium burst out in uproarious applause. True to his reputation, this giant of a man exuded incredible energy almost like aura that lit up the vibes of space. He shared stories, made jokes, explained, shouted and engaged the audience constantly for almost 10 hours straight- definitely no small feat for somebody approaching his sixties.

Why do we do what we do?

The ultimate question was also the one we had to answer at the very start:

“Why did you decide to attend this event?”

As I reflected and scribbled my answer in the workbook, I looked at people around me who had made the same decision: baby-faced high school graduates, young professionals like me who were building their careers, grey-haired business executives who came with their spouses, and even elderly folks whose hands trembled as they held their pens and papers.

“To find the motivations and strategies to open my own business””To understand and manage my emotions during tough times””To find out what are the most important things to me and how to appreciate them more””To reignite passion in our marriage””To raise my health awareness”

…

Regardless of ages, sexes or ethnic backgrounds, every person came to this place because they wanted something more out of their lives. According to Tony, the human desires and needs can be divided into 6 basic categories:

For example, we all have the need for Certainty manifested in some way or another: a long-term relationship, a secure job, a close group of friends or a religious belief. People may also seek to achieve Certainty by different means. A person may test out a hypothesis to arrive at a proven conclusion. Another may disregard any opinion contradictory to his own as a way to be certain of himself. In other words, a human being is defined not just by the end he is after but also by the means he uses to achieve that end.

Furthermore, the hierarchy by which individuals rank their needs also exerts a huge influence on the direction of their lives. Do we know somebody who is always demanding and full of himself or herself? Chances are this person values above all Significance: “I want to feel important at a level above others” and Certainty: “I want to be guaranteed I get what I want, people do what I want and everything turns out the way I want”. Conversely, do we know somebody who is a risk taker and a high achiever? It is most likely this person prioritises Variety: “I want to experiment and experience new things in life” and Growth: “I want to become better/stronger/richer, etc.”

We can see how the underlying needs drive people in different directions and hence different destinations, or destinies.

What stops us from doing what we want to do?

It’s Fear.

We are confronted with our personal fears when we have to navigate outside our comfort zone or make a decision that runs contrary to conventional wisdom and social norms.

In fact, Fear can be sub-categorised into two:

1) Fear of not being enough/being inadequate/being less than/losing:

Examples are abundant. I am not good enough. I am too young to do this. I am less educated than other candidates. I am afraid I will lose my friends if I become who I want to become. I am too short. I am too poor. I am afraid I will fail. I am afraid I cannot handle success.

2) Fear of not being loved/accepted/appreciated:

People will look down on me. People will think I am crazy. People will say things about me. It is against the norm. It is abnormal. All my friends will leave me. I will be alone and lonely.

How to overcome Fear and create the life we want?

Fear originates from the meaning with which we associate with a particular event/person/thing in our lives.

Somebody had food poisoning when eating oysters as a child and then associated oysters with food poisoning. He may never try it again in his life.

A person identifies intimacy as the cause of the unsuccessful relationship. Consequently, this person dreads intimacy. He is trying to run away from the supposed cause of Fear.

The key to overcome Fear is to interrupt the pattern that triggers Fear. (T his will be discussed in detail in another article)

In a Nutshell

We all seek a happier and more fulfilling life, whatever that means to you or me. To achieve that end, we must understand and be aware how our core beliefs and values affect our emotional state and hence compels us to take certain actions that propel us forwards.

In the end, we are what we believe. And I believe it.

Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.